Natural 20

In which a fictional me meets Matt Mercer in a grocery store

Dascha Paylor

Jun 7, 2023

Heaven only knew how I’d let Ralphie rope me into this insane adventure. But here I stood, in front of Matt Mercer in the middle of a grocery store three hundred miles from home.

It was my big chance to meet the most famous dungeon master in the world, and I couldn’t make my mouth move. There wasn’t even a ghost of a chance that the Matt Mercer would talk to me.

We stood there, staring at one another, me, awkward with my hands frozen midair, Matt holding a head of lettuce, an expectant look on his face. My stomach churned and I felt about as green as that lettuce, ready to hurl.

Matt must have noticed my deer-in-the-headlights eyes because he relaxed and smiled that famous Mercer smile. “So,” he said, tossing the lettuce up in the air, “how do you want to do this?”

The tension broke and my anxiety disappeared with it. I started to laugh and Matt grinned ear to ear. “I knew you were a Critter,” he said.

“So, you’re used to being accosted by strangers in the grocery store?” I asked, feeling a little nervous again.

“Happens all the time,” Matt answered.

“Um, I’m sorry to be a bother, but can I ask for your autograph?”

His grin stretching even farther across his face, Matt pulled a D20 out of his pocket. “You can certainly try.”

And with that, I knew that Matt truly was the greatest dungeon master in the world. Only he could turn an autograph request into a skill roll.

I rolled the die on the floor. Natural 20! Matt pulled out a pen and signed the back of my t-shirt, right there. I’m never washing that shirt again.

Okay, this one needs a little explaining. Matt Mercer is the dungeon master on Critical Role, the most watched streaming Dungeons and Dragons game in the world. He creates the campaigns and runs the game each week.

Critters are fans of Critical Role. We’re a loyal bunch. The entire cast has a reputation of being gracious and kind to fans (at conventions, at least). I’ve never met any of them.

Matt is famous for the lines “How do you want to do this?” (when someone has just delivered the killing blow to a monster) and “You can always try (when someone says they want to try something that’s going to be very difficult or even absurd).

I tried to create the image I wanted in Midjourney, but it was being uncooperative, so I thought I’d give Kittl (a platform I use in creating t-shirt designs) a try. It has its own AI generator now.

The image looks a bit like Matt. I don’t love the background, but I couldn’t fully remove it with the tools at my disposal, so I kept it.

I liked the background on another image better, but didn’t like the picture itself. Now if I could only have combined the two! The problem here is the hands. They’re grossly abnormal.

Anyway, if you’ve read this far, I should tell you that this story grew from a three-word prompt. The words were heaven, rope, and ghost.

I can think of at least one reader who will appreciate this story. You know who you are my friend. I’ll see you on Friday night! Let the dice roll.

Let me know what you think of the story and the images. Comments are always fun and welcome.