The 3 Biggest Roadblocks to Setting and Achieving Your Goals
How changing your mindset can change your life
Whether counseling a patient or coaching a client, one of the toughest things to change is a negative mindset. One of the ways I approach this is to have them read a poem by Portia Nelson, called Autobiography in 5 Short Chapters. It is readily downloadable from multiple sources on the internet. I always have copies available.
Autobiography In Five Short Chapters
Chapter I
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost… I am hopeless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.
Chapter II
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in this same place.
But it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.
Chapter III
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it there.
I still fall in… it’s a habit… but,
my eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.
Chapter IV
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.
Chapter V
I walk down another street.
- Portia Nelson
Mindset is causative
What does that mean, exactly? The poem is a great way of looking at this statement. It identifies the importance and difficulty in how we observe, explain, create stories around, and take responsibility for our choices, and ultimately create new lives for ourselves. The subject of the poem starts out oblivious to the danger the hole represents. She falls in and has to climb out. The next time she walks down the street she pretends she doesn’t see it and falls in again. The third time, she knowingly lets herself fall in again. In chapter four she sees the hole and walks around it. By chapter five she has made the conscious choice to avoid the danger altogether.
Our responses to events, both internally and externally generated, are shaped by our Beliefs, Attitudes, and Assumptions, what I refer to as our BAA’s. They create the lens through which we observe and interpret events.
To change our mindset, we must observe ourselves and how our BAA’s play out in our lives
Beliefs are things we hold to be true, based on past experience. An attitude is an ingrained way of looking at someone or something. An assumption is something accepted as true without evidence.
In my own life, I had to overcome my BAA’s before I could become a doctor
In high school, I was artsy. I took the minimum number of science and math courses required to graduate, believing I would never need them. I studied languages and literature at university. Then I went out to work.
I realized in pretty short order that I didn’t feel fulfilled doing secretarial work. I wanted something more. I wanted to feel I made a difference in people’s lives. I wanted to be a doctor. But I didn’t have any of the prerequisite courses. I also had a car loan and no savings.
I believed I wasn’t good at science and math, because they hadn’t been strengths for me in high school. I operated with the attitude that one either was good at science or good in the arts, but not both. Finally, I assumed that I had already blown it and couldn’t become a doctor now. The nail in the coffin for me was believing I couldn’t afford to go back to school.
So I drifted for a while, from job to job. But the whole doctor thing just wouldn’t let go of me. So, around the time I got married, I sat down and took a hard look at my BAA’s. I didn’t define them as this at the time, but the process was basically this: I took a few weeks and observed my thoughts, emotions, and behaviors and looked for patterns. I looked at my BAA’s and asked myself whether they were based in assertions or assessments.
Assertions are facts. Assessments are opinions, which is fine if they are grounded in assertions, but what if they are only BAA’s, and not true
I had to challenge my BAA’s. The money one was easiest. In Canada we have a generous student loan program. I laid that objection to rest quickly.
My belief that I wasn’t good in science and math was more based in a lack of interest in high school than any clear evidence. I noted that when I focused on that belief, I felt badly about myself. I didn’t feel like the smart woman I was. I realized I was better than that. I had never failed to learn something I actually wanted to learn. I am intelligent and a good student. I decided to let go of this limiting belief as well.
My attitude that I could be good at either science or arts was ludicrous when I actually looked at it. In the writing sphere alone authors like Isaac Asimov, Aldous Huxley, David Brin, and so many more scientists belied this. One attitude out the window.
What about my assumption that I had already blown it? I really didn’t have any background for going into a premed program. That only meant I had my work cut out for me. I went to my local college and found a math upgrading program. Then I looked into what I would need to do about my sciences. My local university had first year science courses meant for people who, like me, hadn’t taken them in high school. They weren’t easier. In fact, they were harder than the regular courses, because we had to both make up what we had missed in high school and finish the same material the students in the regular science courses did. Needless to say, my first year of university was grueling. It was actually good practice for medical school.
It turned out the only thing holding me back from chasing my desire to become a doctor was me. My BAA’s, once identified and confronted, wilted before my determination.
The same kinds of BAA’s held me back from a career in writing
I believed I couldn’t write full length novels, because I had failed at it when I was a teenager. Realistically, I never put any effort into learning the craft or, you know, sitting down and writing. Despite my successful transition to medicine as a career, I still, deep down, held the attitude that I couldn’t have both worlds: arts and medicine. I had to work at getting over that. I assumed I could not make a living writing. The jury is still out on that one, but I am now willing to challenge the assumption.
Challenge your BAA’s
How are they affecting you? Are you still walking down the same street, falling into the same hole? Still pretending it isn’t there? What’s holding you back from achieving what you really want in life?
So true. Roadblocks, barriers, real, and imaged block us from moving forward. Changing mindset can change your life, it worked for me many times in achieving my goals. Attitude is everything.
This piece comes at the perfect time for me. I have spent most of my life avoiding certain humans because I don't like how they think. Mind-set is actually a better word. Our thinking can be a friend or our worst enemy. I have seen many areas in which how someone thinks helps to destroy them. Not many of us are aware of our actions, even with the pain that it brings. My thinking or mindset aids in giving me the life I want. Thanks for these powerful words of encouragement.