Finding Balance

"it's been one of those days..." by EvelynGiggles is licensed under CC BY 2.0

I’m one of the most organized people I know. I’m also among the most scattered. It’s a contradiction, I know, but hear me out and this might make more sense.

I’m the kind of person who pays every bill the minute it arrives, whether by mail or via my inbox. I back up everything I write immediately—in four places. I have files into which I move emails so I can keep track of them or find them if I need them later. I use spreadsheets for tracking my client time and all income that comes in, and anything else I can think of.

I put things in the exact same place when I’m done with them. (No, I don’t have OCD.) I keep a rolling To Do list (in Todoist). I start every day by looking at what needs doing. I also have everything in my calendar, kind of as a fail safe, with popup reminders. I keep all my unread books on the same shelf of my bookcase (except the ones in my Kobo).

At the same time, my desk is always a mess, with papers piling up, and lots of small books, each with notes about different things scribbled in them. I forget that I’ve made these notes and sometimes find them months or years later. I find stories I wrote years ago and don’t remember writing (back before I wrote on computer and backed everything up).

I delay answering personal emails, often, then forget to answer them and find them when I finally decide to clear out the overlarge number of unread emails in my inbox.

I can’t maintain a schedule. When I have work for a client, I plow through it, to make sure it gets done in a timely fashion. I try to set up schedules for my days to work consistently on my own stuff, but it inevitably falls apart, even as I help others manage their time more efficiently.

So why these contradictions? I think they’re due to a few things. The first is that I have a poor memory and have been aware of this since my teenage years. I compensate for this by keeping to do lists, dealing with things immediately and putting things, like my keys, in the same place every time.

I also have a strong sense of responsibility. So I make sure I document everything well (spreadsheets) and make sure I fulfil my obligations to others quickly and efficiently.

But here’s the toughest part for me. I want to do too much. I take on way too many things and then can’t keep up with them. There is never enough time to study all the things I want to learn, manage projects I begin, write stories, manage social media, mentor other writers, do client work, keep up with friends (I’m terrible at this), interact with family, read for pleasure, work, learning, spiritual growth, etc.

I live with multiple chronic illnesses. I have limited energy, which does not match my boundless desire to take and give everything I can in life. Every time I tell myself to cut back, I look at all these things in my life and ask, “But what should I give up?” And so, I haphazardly juggle too many things, hoping that one day I’ll find a way to balance them all and tame the dragon.

One decision I have made for myself is to let go of pushing Tempest Community Writers for the time being. I love this concept and loved the community I had built on Medium. Moving my publication into a different format on a different platform has, essentially, led to a loss of interest from those who used to write for it. I could, with a lot of work, rebuild a community. I just don’t have the energy right now.

I’m also, for January and February, not going to take on any editing clients. I will still see my coaching clients (though not take on any new ones). I want to focus on my own writing and the editing of my current work in progress. They’ve been getting shoved to the back burner for too long.

In order to reconcile my contradictions, I have finally committed to decreasing my commitments and focus on a few, important things. This isn’t a New Year’s resolution. I don’t believe (and studies have shown) that these are effective. It’s just a commitment to myself. I’ll let you know how it goes.

---

One of the things that is most meaningful for me is hearing from readers. Don’t forget to click on the comment button below. Oh, and, if you can, please also hit share.

---